Thursday, May 29, 2008
{ 5:36 AM }
i'm fat.
i'm mean.
i'm rude.
i'm irresponsible.
i'm crazy.
i'm selfish.
i have severe moodswings.
i sound like a loser dont i?
but i love being who i am.
i love my life.
i love my family.
i love my friends.
i love my school.
i love council.
i love my round self. (i'm a rolly polly. i roll, i dont walk.)
i love being a loser.
i'm going to try not to be affected because i know everything is nothing but the facts. maybe i should do something, shouldnt i? or should i let it be and continue being called it. i should do something but i cant resist the temptations..how?
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
{ 7:13 AM }
today is the soccer finals. the day which everyone has been looking forward to is here. i was so excited for the whole day. and i did something extremely embarrassing during chemistry lecture. shuying left her bag in class and me and thendral took it with us. because we were late for lecture, thendral, yinmei and me had to sit at the back of the lecture theatre. then i saw shuying walking into the lecture theatre, so i waved to here frantically to get her attention so that she can know that her bag is with us. but she didnt see me. so, i waved even harder. she still didnt see me. so, i poked my head out to the alley and waved frantically. this time, the lecturer saw me instead. he asked,"yes, the girl at the back, is there anything?" the whole lecture theatre turned around to look. -.-" i was so embarrassed that i could only shake my head a little. my experience was made worse by thendral laughing like there's no tomorrow!!!! hahaas! but it was funny la. i too couldnt stop laughing. hahaas!! after this was preparation for soccer match! the first wave was j1, so i was quite free. then the next wave came and i went took number 25. in the end, the group split into 2 and i ended up in the same bus as huixin. luckily there's her because if i'm alone in the bus, i wont know what to say or what to do. when we reached the place, at first i didnt know what to do, but i found a job for me-guard, make sure people dont cross over to that specific area. i liked that duty although at first i got scolded by one guy and that made me even more blur because i dont know if i'm suppose to stop everybody or only people from our school..i eneded up only stopping people from our school. also, that place the people very nice. so i like it there. the match was so so so exciting! i was so worried for them..but when the whistle blew, signalling the end of the match and i saw how happy the players were, i nearly cried. i left by myself. as in i didnt take the bus back with the rest. as shuying and i walked through the stadium, i was overcomed by a strong feeling. there place looked very quiet..like whatever happened has already happened, and now, everything is back to normal. will anyone bother how it looks after the match? no. people will only remember it for it's lively part. after that event, it's quiet again..): isnt life like that? sometimes, that thing, it's a passing phase. sigh. why do i think so much. sometimes i dont understand what's wrong with me..on my way home, i thought a lot. i miss my secondary life. i miss having someone to hug when i cry. now i have to put up a brave front. so what if i'm scared? so what if i'm worried? so what? do anybody care about anybody? i want to run away. i want to hide. i'm so tired. everything is in a mess..i'm still picking up the pieces of my own life. my own life.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
{ 7:20 AM }
these few days have been a roller coaster. i kept doubting what i did. i didnt know if it's correct or wrong and i dont know if it's going to work. but now..i've figured out what i want. my three main goals: do well for all my exams, manage council work well and ha. hahaas! i dont know if this goals are the correct ones..but i'll try to fufill it and see if it really works? we're all going to jiayou!
Sunday, May 04, 2008
{ 6:50 AM }
i'm having a horrible stomachache now=/ so painful. i didnt really do much during the holidays actually. hahaas.besides almost finishing my mi tys, i didnt nothing else. spa's coming up next week. and maths test. AAAAA!
Thursday, May 01, 2008
{ 7:38 AM }
sometimes, i'm not needed.
i'm just another person who has one pair of eyes, one nose, one mouth, a pair of ears, a pair of eyes. i'm just another person who wears the blue uniform. i'm just another person who do what other people are doing-waking up in the morning, going to school, studying, going home and sleep.
i'm not unique. i dont have any special qualities maybe some other people have. this makes me so much more not special. i can be there and i can also not be there because everyone can live without me.
i miss my old life. my old theodora.
is all these important? no it's not.
{ 7:25 AM }
yesterday was our investiture. finally after practising for so many days..our investiture is over(: mum came super early for it and she was one of the first few to get sitted. it felt good to have your family there because when i was standing on the stage and dont know where to look, my eyes will wonder to them, who is sitting right in front of me. at least i've got someone to smile to.
sometimes life is unfair. i feel that maybe it's not worth to really put in so much effort. or maybe i'm wrong. a question to ponder: do people who really try their best get what they want? i dont think so. i'm sorry i didnt know what to do and what to say. but no matter what, i'll be there for you if you need someone to talk to or someone to .